Tuesday, April 28, 2009

i miss you.

i'm pretty much in the most nostalgic mood ever.
i miss old friends, and i miss when i had a best friend.
i miss middle school when no one was ever as mean or judge-mental as they are now.
i miss having an extra hour before school started on wednesday so that would be the day amanda and i used to look cute and wear skirts, and thursday would be the lazy day when we wore sweats. every week. all school year. both seventh and eighth grade. those were the times.

i started a new book today.
in her shoes - jennifer weiner.

i really want a job. i wouldnt care if i only worked five hours a week.
i just want to save up like $30 a month for about four months and then after summer go shopping. thats what i want to do. but no job=no money.

Monday, April 27, 2009

i dont know.

i dont really know why, but i'm in a wierd mood.

i'm thinking of people, a lot of them. people i used to talk to a lot, people that have changed so much, people who i wish i was better friends with. just people. and lots of them. and so this leads me to a lot of praying.
i am praying like crazy, for everyone.
for a friend i was upset with earlier, for a friend that lied to me a long time ago, a friend who tells another friend they are changing but is not changing, for a friend fried who is now so different from who they were, for a friend who stopped talking to me for no reason who i think about all of the time, for a friend who needs a lot of help with fundraising on my colombia team, for a friend of my moms, for a friend who went on a mission trip to africa, for a few friends on colorado, for a friend who is doing a lot of searching, for a friend i wish would follow up on plans we make, for a friend who i wish i would hang out with more, and for friends i was never really friends with after all.

i am...flabbergasted at the amount of people i used to talk to and hang out with that i no longer hang out with anymore. i can now count on one hand the amount of true friends i have. and i would probably have trouble naming all of those five people. honestly.

sometimes i wish i were more outgoing and fun and lovable. but at the same time, i dont. because that wouldnt be me. it wouldnt fit the description of "phyllis." i'm more easy going and laid back and task oriented. but there is still a deep wanting to be like the above that i listed. sometimes i try, and i dont feel like i'm being myself. i dont know.

someone very close once told me, "sometimes i feel bad that you dont have many friends."
i want to have more than just acquaintances. but i dont know.

on another note, only 30 more school days(not including the weekends).
and i cant wait to give my mom her mothers day present.
and i cant wait to go to vienna.
and i cant wait to go to colombia.

Monday, April 13, 2009

holy moly!

i have not blogged in just about forever.
now, the musical is over...but i still have stupid haydn rehearsals on mondays, wednesdays, and every other tuesday from 7-8:30. imagine doing that with musical rehearsal from 3-6. yeah, crazy.

this blog is going to be random with thoughts. just giving the heads up.

1. this week is spring break, and man was this break much needed. i have been going and going and going and going and never stopping and just thinking. i have watched three movies in the past three days...its amazing! i havent had time to actually sit down a watch a movie from beginning to end since before the musical. having time to breathe is beautiful.

2. i went over ms. kerri's house and hung out with everyone. i love love love love love that house. seriously, i'm always feeling so unaccepted and down and everyone in that house is just so awesome. i dont think i stop laughing for five minutes when i'm there. i love making food, i love that everyone appreciates it, i love when the band practices and the whole house shakes, i love the whole experience. i love the nights when its just alecks, kvan, ryan and i and i love it when its the four of us and then about five other people as well. the bestttt <3

3. i have jhake's dogs until friday, and i dont want to give them back. they are the best!

4. great news! my trip to colombia is paid for! well, the general cost at least. with a lot of fundraising and donations i made the 1000 dollars. but i still need my passport. so thats another 100.

5. and i am also soo happy that i have time to listen to music again!!!!