"be the change you want to see in the world."

sorry everyone,

2010-01-19T19:06:00.000-08:00

i'm switching to tumblr. i like it much more.

knowmyheart.tumblr.com

-*

2010-01-18T19:06:00.000-08:00

nelson mandela.

2010-01-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

"our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. we ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of God. your playing small does not serve the world. there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we were born to make manifest the glory of god within us. it is not just in some; it is in everyone. and, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

in case you were wondering,

2010-01-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

+

2010-01-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

most of the time.

2010-01-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

tis true. but sad.

2010-01-09T18:30:00.001-08:00

seriously though.

2010-01-08T15:49:00.000-08:00

i made the musical! (:

2010-01-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

i am in 'once upon a mattress.' so stoked.

seventeen!

2010-01-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

so today was just an ordinary day at school (except that becca brought be flowers) and then i had musical auditions. that stressed me out, auditions make me crazy. so here i am thinking that i was going to go home and sit around and do nothing on my birthday...and becca came over and we ate chicken tacos that my wonder mommy made...and someone knocks at the door. i wcas sorta freaked out because if people knock, i usually know why and who they are. well, i answered the door, and there was favot, ms. kerri, alecks, brandon, and cody. ahh. i just screamed from excitement. it was great. i'm so glad that i got to spend my birthday with people i love after a sorta stressful day. (:
thank you everyone <3

exactly.

2010-01-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

things that are stupid:

2010-01-03T08:11:00.001-08:00

V

2010-01-02T14:29:00.000-08:00

happy birthday mom!

2009-12-31T21:06:00.001-08:00

yeah, it's the new year, but personally, i'm more concerned about it being my mom's birthday. here's a little something i wrote about her in my journal a few days ago:

"I do have to say that my mom is just a wonderful woman of god that speaks wisdom(most of the time, haha). i admire how she just hears god speaks and listens so obediently. she is just a beautiful woman of god who i look up to and admire so much. if it wasn't for her strength, i don't know what i would do. really. she always makes me laugh and knows what to do to cheer me up. she makes a mean chicken noodle soup...or a mean maker of any food she attempts to make. she can always calm me down just by playing with my hair or just hugging me at the exact moment that i need her to, without me telling her. in everything going on in my life, my mom has been a positive influence throughout the whole thing. i love my mom. i can say that i am proud to me my mother's daughter."

(:

2009-12-31T06:48:00.001-08:00

anxiety.

2009-12-30T08:59:00.000-08:00

so, many of you know this about me, but it's extremely hard for me to trust. it's hard for me to trust people, especially after being replaced time and time again in my life. people leave after i begin to trust them.

and yes, it's hard for me to trust god. i just have a hard time giving him EVERYTHING in my life. i can give him some areas of my life, but it's hard for me to just give him all of it. it's always been like this. my experiences with trusting people run into my experience with trusting god. and i hate it, i do. it's just hard for me to not let it effect my relationship with god, especially with everything that had been going on lately.

but the other day, i didn't know what to read in my bible(that seems to be a dilemma with me - what to read). my mom told me to just read what each book was about and then go from there. and for some reason, i read 1 peter. and it was exactly what i needed.

1 peter 2:23-35 "when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. for you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the shepherd and overseer of your souls."

even though i have a lot going on in my life and a lot of things are being thrown at me, i have to entrust myself to him who judges justly. jesus did. and i want to be more like jesus, right? right.

and here is the one that spoke to me the most:
"cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 peter 5:7.

i can't tell you how many times i have heard that verse, but this time, it really just hit me. like, one of those "what are you doing? HE CARES. he's not going to let you go." cast all anxiety. not just some. all. let go.

1 peter 1:7-9 "these have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when jesus christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

so here i am. praying that i will be able to trust god with everything, and not just some things. he cares, he's not going to leave like everyone else - because he's GOD.
well, that's it.

fix my eyes.

2009-12-28T23:10:00.001-08:00

this is cute.

2009-12-28T20:16:00.000-08:00

hm.

2009-12-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

i kinda want to switch to tumblr instead of using this.
i just don't feel like switching blogs, again.

merry christmas!

abraham lincoln.

2009-12-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

"things may come to those who wait...but only the things left by those who hustle.”

“if you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.”

american beauty.

2009-12-22T00:25:00.000-08:00

"i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..."

`

2009-12-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

V

2009-12-17T20:30:00.000-08:00

simple.

2009-12-14T19:52:00.000-08:00

"this is one of the miracles of love: it gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted." -c.s. lewis.

-

2009-12-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

i love coloring.

2009-12-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

*

2009-12-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

you have probably already heard me say this today

2009-12-05T20:05:00.001-08:00

but on december 5, 1997, (i was four) i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. thats a pretty big deal when you are four. twelve years later, i am healed. my mom and i had a little scare in january when my knees swelled to the size of balloons...found out in june that i am arthritis-free.
i serve a healer. that is the god i serve.

katie dorband has read this a few times but i think it is so powerful:
job 38: 4-20. if you read the whole thing, its sweeeet. but here's a little part of it.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels [a] shouted for joy?
8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?
12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death [b] ?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 "What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings? "

my god did ALL of that. that is the god i serve.

miss this, more than you could ever know.

2009-12-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

true dat.

2009-11-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

winter.

2009-11-28T13:24:00.000-08:00

i always say i hate michigan, but really, doesn't everyone get sick of where they live?
i think the thing i hate most is the cold in winter. i can't stand it.
this winter seems like it will hold bigger, better things. a new season, new change, new opportunities. im excited...but not for the weather.

oh, and i'm thinking about joining color guard. but nothing is for sure. its just a simple little thought in my mind.

thankful.

2009-11-26T09:26:00.001-08:00

generally, i try to be thankful for everything because we take everything that we have for granted, but its thanksgiving and i will just list off the things i am thankful for.
here's a FEW things(certainly not everything: jesus dying on the cross, forgiveness, grace, my moms strength, my loving and supporting family, my friends, my house, food to eat, having more than enough clothes to wear, the money they we have, alive, smiles, laughter, music, my talents, education, wisdom, the bible, love, faith, hope, etc.

but ultimately, but main goal is to be grateful for everything i have, every single day. i love this quote: "when you feel down, focus on all the things that you are thankful for in your life to maintain an attitude of gratitude." - orrin woodward.

happy birthday cassie (:

2009-11-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

i cant get "the only exception" by paramore out of my head. im not complainin' though.

today was my last day of school for the week. so happy about that.
the only thing i really have for homework is choir music. so nothing major.

tomorrow is thanksgiving. yes. i love family.
friday and saturday is the thanksgiving mission trip.

i work 23 hours next week. whoa.
next friday is the night of desperation. i cant decide if i want to go because it ends at 7am on saturday morning and i have to work at noon.

okay, im done. (:

i cant wait to graduate,

2009-11-24T17:21:00.000-08:00

and start doing what i really love.
because i never want to feel like this:

this makes me giggle.

2009-11-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

this makes me think of my dad.

2009-11-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

character.

2009-11-21T20:28:00.001-08:00

they say that your character is like an iceberg.
10% is what you see on the outside. 90% is what you see when the truth comes out.

i dont know about you, but when my true character shows, i want it to be good.
lately, everyone's character is coming out. whether you are shady or kind, its showing. dont think you can fake it, you arent fooling anyone.

i want to go on a road trip.

2009-11-20T14:11:00.000-08:00

yes,

2009-11-19T13:48:00.001-08:00

eleanor roosevelt.

2009-11-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

one day, i hope to not let people get to me, to not look back.
just go for it. to take risks - take chances.
"do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. you'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

"do one thing everyday that scares you."

we all worry too much, i worry too much.

2009-11-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

matthew 6:25-34.
"therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they? who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
and why do you worry about clothes? see how the lilies of the field grow. they do not labor or spin. yet i tell you that not even solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. if that is how god clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, o you of little faith? so do not worry, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' for the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly father knows that you need them. but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own."

this is what im thinking...

2009-11-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

if i could go to school to make beautiful clothes and do hair for the rest of my life, i'd be one happy girl.

i did that.

i want to make beautiful dresses. i just need to be taught the construction of them.

i stole this from stephanie, but i love it.

“Go be that starving artist you’re afraid to be. Open up that journal and get poetic finally. Volunteer. suck it up and travel. You were not born here to work and pay taxes. You were put here to be a part of a vast organism to explore and create. Stop putting it off. The world has much to offer than what’s on 15 televisions at TGI fridays. Take pictures. Scare people. Shake up the scene.”

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful.

2009-11-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

so i read captivating and im beginning to know my own heart and the heart of others woman as well. but now, i have started to read wild at heart...basically captivating but for men. i want to know how to make a man's heart come alive, even just as a friend. i just want to encourage guys to be the men of god that they are. i've only read the first chapter and i can honestly already recommend this book to guys.
but here is a passage where john eldredge captures a womans heart in just a few paragraphs - men take notes and women, delight in this beautiful passage:

"there are also three desires that i have found essential to a woman's heart, which are not entirely different from a man's and yet they remain distinctly feminine. not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman earns to be fought for. listen to the longing of a woman's hear: she wants to be more than noticed - she wants to be wanted. she wants to be pursued. "i just want to be a priority to someone," a friend in her thirties told me. and her childhood dreams of a knight in shining armor are coming to rescue her are not girlish fantasies; they are the core to the feminine heart and the life she knows she was made for. so zach comes back for paula in an officer and a gentleman, fredrick comes back for jo in little women, and edward returns to pledge his undying love for eleanor in sense and sensibility.
every woman also wants an adventure to share. one of my wife's favorite films is the man from snowy river. she loves the scene where jessica, the beautiful young heroine, is rescued by jim, her hero, and together they ride on horseback through the wilds of the australian wilderness. "i want to be isabo in ladyhawk," confessed another femal friend. "to be cherished, pursued, fought for-yes. but also, i want to be strong and a part of the adventure." so many men make the mistake of thinking that the woman is the adventure. but that is where the relationship immediately goes downhill. a woman doesnt want to be the adventure, she wants to be caught up in something greater than herself. our friend went on to say, "i know myself and i know im not the adventure. so when a man makes me the point, i grow bored immediately. i know that story. take me into one i dont know."
and finally, every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. not to conjure, but to unveil. most women feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what i speak of. there is also a deep desire to simply and truly be the beauty, and be delighted in. most little girls will remember playing dress up, or wedding day, or "twirling skirts," those flowing dresses that were perfect for spinning around in. she'll put her pretty dres on, come into the living room and twirl. what she longs for is to capture her daddy's delight. my wife remembers standing on top of the coffee table as a girl of five or six, and singing her heart out. do you see me? asks the heart of every girl. and are you captivated by what you see?
the world kills a woman's heart when it tells her to be tough, efficient, and independent. sadly, christianity has missed her heart as well. walk into most churches in america, and have a look around and ask yourself this question: what is a christian woman? again, dont listen to what is said, look at what you find there. there is no doubt about it. you'd have to admit a christian woman is...tired. all we've the feminine soul is pressure to "be a good servant." no one is fighting for her heart; there is no grand adventure to be swpet up in; and every woman doubts very much that she has any beauty to unveil."

isnt it wonderful? i love it.

i suck at blogging.

2009-10-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

sorry. im blogging for my mom...she gets a little irritated when i dont blog.

1. i have a job! woohoo! i had orientation today and it went very well. oh, i work at arby's. and the manager said i was pretty much hired the day i turned in my application because of the way i presented myself...good stuff.

2. school = lame. except for chemistry. i love chemistry. i dont know if its just because of mr. graham or both, but i love it either way. its a good class.

3. selling suubi beads starting next week at lunch! yes!

4. i just want to listen to music allll of the time now. but i did before too.

5. choir conference is next weekend..boo. hopefully i room with good people so it will make it a little more pleasing. and all of my fishies in happy aquarium are gonna die ):

6. H1N1...all i have to say is educate yourselves. stop freaking out. know what you are talking about. www.cdc.gov . seriously people.

7. feel free to ask to hangout (: im always up for a good time!

done.

stupid.

2009-09-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

school sucks. im invisible there.
oh, im invisible anywhere actually.
and still trying to keep a smile on
my face at the same time. lovely.

im lonely. the story of my life.
sometimes i wonder if things will ever change.
because as of right now, they went back to how
they were before. big shock.

but my bad for thinking it would change.

summer = over.

2009-09-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

this summer is officially over, because today was my first day of my junior year. and if you were wondering how school is...well, its school. thats all i have to say. im really worried about my pre-calc and my chemistry class - those seem like they will be the hardest.

but whatever, this summer was amazing. it doesnt even feel like i should be going back to school, i feel like i should be going back to colombia or to africa or something. high school just doesnt seem to fit me. i dont feel like i fit. and i dont, because god calls me to be something different, but i just dont feel like i need to be there. and im sure i do, it just doesnt seem like it.

maybe its just downriver in general. it seems like i need to get out of downriver. to see something different, a change of people, place, everything. i want to get out of michigan. now.

irritated.

2009-09-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

you say you care.
you say im worth so much.
you say im a good friend.
you say you want to hang out.

PROVE IT.

call me crazy,

2009-09-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

so, i have already blogged today, but i feel so so so compelled to just get this emotion out of my right now.

it sounds so crazy, but i just feel so called to go to another country and serve. RIGHT NOW. if i could, i would. i want to go and serve and be the hands and feet of jesus. i just feel so lead to do this. and every time i think of a country, its always uganda, india, or thailand. im not even sure why with those two countries, but i just feel so drawn to them. i dont know why, i just do. yes, i feel like i should go back to colombia, but i feel like i am bound to just go to at least one of those three countries and serve. to be honest, i would stay there forever. i would. i've always thought it would be cool, but then people always think about money and stuff like that, but it doesnt even seem important to me right now.

ever since before and after colombia, i felt compelled to do A LOT of mission work. but its just been bubbling inside of me and now im exploding. i hope to go to one of those countries after i graduate high school. like, right after.

i hope i could one day impact someone like katie does everyday: http://amazima.org/blog.html

live and let live.

2009-09-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

today was skyler's funeral. it was so sad. and thats what everyone kept saying, including myself: "its so sad." and it got me thinking to MY funeral.

as much as we dont like to admit it, our funeral will one day come. we all die, its just the way life works. and skyler was obviously no exception. none of us our, but what i heard a lot was: "its so sad. she was so young." and i was just thinking to my funeral. i couldnt tell you when that will be and i dont want to know either, but this whole thing has just made me think that if i died tomorrow, i hope people wouldnt say, "its so sad, she was so young." i would want them to say, "its sad, but she lived. she really LIVED and LOVED." they might say that its sad and i wouldnt care if they grieved (maybe they wont, who knows), but i would want to be known for really just loving god - and through loving god, loving others. i just want to glorify him with everything that i do - absolutely everything. now, i dont think i would have accomplished everything that i want to do if i die tomorrow, but i would want to know that i strived to give god the glory through my life. and i hope i do, even though im not the best at it.

so i hope that when i die, people will say, "yeah, it may be sad, but she loved and she lived. and she did it loud."

skyler.

2009-08-31T11:43:00.000-07:00

so yesterday was a very rough day. a girl that was my age and went to my school who had some classes with me died. she was on her way home from band camp (on saturday) and they were driving on I-94 and a semi tried getting back on the freeway from the shoulder and they ran right into the back of the semi. her little sister had to get stitches and is fine. her mom is still in the hospital, but will be fine. and well, as for skyler, she wasnt so fortunate. she had blood in her lungs. they took her to U of M for her care and saturday night after i heard about the accident, steph and i were getting texts saying her blood pressure was regulating and she was getting her color back. well, then i get a text on sunday when i was tallying votes for metro's TRL and she ended up not making it. she is/was brain dead and they were donating her organs so the last i heard, they were waiting for recipients. so she wasnt legally dead. but the viewing in wednesday from 5-8 and the funeral is thursday at 11.

now, i didnt really know skyler that well, but she was in my honors english classes my freshman and sophomore year. she was also stage crew for little shop. and she was really close with my friend emily, they were cousins. and i guess they spent a lot of time together. and she was also in marching band. and because im in the music department, it hurts when a lot of people i know are so broken from this. it makes me become broken. my heart is just aching for her family.

and although i didnt know much about skyler, i knew that she had huge dreams and she was going to follow them. i knew she would have. she had so much drive and determination.

so from this whole thing, even though it sucks, i know that everything is going to be okay. everyone dies, they do. its not fun, but its reality. we just dont know when. we could die in 70 years, or in five minutes. we really dont know. but all i know is that i want my life to be lived to the fullest. it sounds cliche, but im being 100% serious. i want to glorify god with my life. yeah, im not always good at it, at all. i suck at it a lot, but im still going to strive. i just want to love god with my life, through my action and speech. and i dont want to waste anymore time.

misc.

2009-08-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

i forgot how good the movie 'catch and release' is.

-i would like a haircut. and red hair. and my nose pierced. but, thats not new.
-i want to go to the beach at least one more time before school starts.
-i am taking segment 2 monday, tuesday, and wednesday. then i can get my license anytime after that. but i might wait another month or two so i can get even better at driving.

that is all.

grace marked your heart.

2009-08-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

i dont know what to write about today, so im just going to put a few little notes and pictures.

im so tired, all of the time. i get a full eight hours of sleep(at least) and im still tired. ugh!

but as of right now, im just carrying on with the rest of my summer(only two or three more weeks until i start school again ]: ) hanging out with friends, riding my bike around where i used to hang out when i was in sixth grade, reading, loving jesus, etc. still thinking about there to serve. well, enjoy.

we serve to show his love.

2009-08-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

we hear it all of the time: "find somewhere to serve!"

here my problem: i dont know where to serve. i dont know where i belong. i want to serve so bad, but i dont know where to serve. i dont know where my gift lies. i dont know what my special talent is. everyone tells me i have so much to offer, but whenever i try somewhere to see if thats where im supposed to serve, it doesnt feel right. i've tried fuel, but it didnt seem good for me. i tried metrokids, it didnt seem right for me. i did kids ministry in colombia, and i thought it would be a good place for me, but when i checked it out at metro, i felt so awkward. i dont know. i just wish i knew where i was supposed to serve. and im praying about it and thinking about it all of the time, so its not like im not making an effort. ugh.

hello, how are you? like your shoes, love your hair.

2009-08-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

im hanging out with kelsey today. i havent hung out with her in years, i miss her. im really excited. we are gonna go swimming (:

tomorrow(saturday) is my beach day. im going with stephanie, katie, gibby and maybe nate. im really excited! i'll be sure to being the sunscreen and apply it more than once. i dont care how pale i am, i dont want to get skin cancer. plus, five sunburns increases your chances of melanoma 75%. i'm past five sunburns. i gotta be careful.

"refuse to be average. let your heart soar as high as it will."
-a.w. tozer.

123.

2009-08-12T20:24:00.001-07:00

all i want to do lately:

-spend time with god.
-go to the beach.
-listen to music, mainly acoustic or mixes(make me one).
-eat.
-go to the beach.
-go swimming.
-go for a walk.
-go to the beach.
-do some yoga.
-cook/bake.
-go to the beach.
-drive around.
-crochet.
-go to the beach.
-sit under the stars.
-read.
-have a picnic.
-go to the beach.

and a few other things.
i really want to plan a beach day.
and pack a picnic when we go.
it would be amazing.

oh,

2009-08-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

did i mention i can crochet now?

oh, and i tried watching the meteor shower...it wasnt very good. i saw like, maybe 10. i was kind of disappointed. but still, tonight was pretty perfect. at first, i was irritated from people walking in my house without notice and acting like they owned the place, but once i started talking to stephanie and katie and sitting on my porch with them, everything was beautiful. we just talked and laughed and ate fake oreos and it was great. then we just layed on the blanket waiting for the wimpy meteors to show up, and it was still great. it just felt peaceful and so perfect, if there ever was such a thing. well, its 1:10am. the meteor shower is supposed to get good around 4 or 5am, but im not staying up all night.

goodnight.

and i saw deep inside a love that was true.

2009-08-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

i took this when we went to the top of the mountain
(yes, the same mountain that ian and ashley got engaged on).

so much is going on in my head right now, but i think im going to share something that god is really putting on my heart at this point in time.

so in colombia, we were always going - we rarely ever stopped for a break. no rest for the weary i guess, but it was awesome. anyway, that meant that sometimes i wanted to be cranky and negative and i wanted to scream. but i didnt. why? because god really showed me my attitude. yep, my attitude. the very same thing that i have wanted to change forever, but never have. i very rarely took an honest look at myself and realized how negative of a person i was.

god really showed me that my attitude is mine to change. its my decision if im going look at the glass as half full, or half empty. and for about 99% of the trip, i looked at it as half full. now, sometimes i had to force myself to do so, but it made such a huge difference. there were times where i just wanted to be by myself, to sleep, to scream, to give someone a knuckle sandwich(im just being truthful), where i just wanted to not serve. but i thought to myself consistently, "would i rather have another team member have an attitude with me or would i want them to be encouraging?" the obvious answer was to have them be encouraging. so thats what i had to be. i needed to be uplifting and just keep going with a smile on my face. and even when i felt like i didnt want to do something, i did it anyway. and when i did that, i found myself having so much fun. i had so much joy. i was just serving the lord and it was beautiful.

i had so much peace and joy in my heart when on this trip, and i still do. i can honestly say that i have never had so much love just pouring into and out of me. i feel like i could just keep smiling. and thats what i plan on doing, smiling, a lot. smiling is such a gift, and a gift we should share. we do it all of the time, but i dont think we ever realize how much it can impact a person. it impacts not only the person receiving the smile, but also the one giving it. i realized this, too, in colombia. when i was upset, i would smile. i would smile because i wanted the people of colombia to be encouraged and to know that there is a love so much bigger than we could ever know. i wanted them to know that there was hope in this crazy, messed up world that we live in. and by me smiling at them to encourage them, i became encouraged because i reminded myself that there is a reason to smile. and that reason came to this earth and was spit on and made fun of and hated and died on a cross.

always, always, always smile more.
you never know who you could impact.
just sayin.

first picture: view of bogota. second picture: "20 minute" walk to the slums which turned out to be about an hour and a half walk. third picture: everyone doing the cuban shuffle when doing a presentation outside of exito. fourth picture: very last night at darrens church with people from the church and my team. fifth picture: the "stage" that was actually a rooftop that was across the street from a school that we later performed in!

if anyone has the books dateable and/or captivating, i would like to borrow them.

[[[]]]

2009-07-30T16:16:00.000-07:00

im finally home from colombia, and i want to go back.

ilove and miss colombia sooo much.

it was seriously so incredible. getting up everyday and just serving came naturally. it didnt even seem like something that i was only going to be doing for two weeks - it seemed like a normal day. it was amazing and so fun. i loved it. it made me appreciate everything 300 times more than i already appreciated everything. it stretched me and made me more flexible. i ganied so much more peace and joy on this trip. my attitude and the way i thought about things changed - im trying to be much more positive - now i see how much of a difference it can make. i thought i appreciated the simple things. now i really do; things like a smile or a hug. but i also appreciate the bigger things; things like a brick house instead of one made out of tin and running hot water. i also appreciate being able to flush my toilet paper.

the language barrier didnt matter because there is god, and he knows all of the languages and he knows all of our hearts. we can just pray for someone in colombia and they have no idea what we are saying, they just know gods power and that he is the ultimate. its so awesome.

it was crazy how much i would jsut put myself out of my comfort zone and then just not care. i have gotten laughed at so many times on this trip for acting crazy and ridiculous for jesus and it didnt even matter. god is jsut too good to hold it all in.

my trip was fantastic. i have more stories. and pictures.

`````

2009-07-14T01:41:00.000-07:00

holy moly. i never realized how much i doubt and
second-guess myself until this past week. its crazy.

i leave tomorrow for colombia.
sooooo stoked!

^

2009-07-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

i dont feel like blogging...
sorry mom.

here's the link to the colombia teams blog:
www.holyholyholyishe.blogspot.com

bye.

üöä

2009-06-30T12:30:00.000-07:00

i cant believe im in austria.

->

2009-06-28T07:07:00.000-07:00

going to austria today.
sooooo excited.

im going to miss the vanwallaghens.
and a few extras.

i finally talked to the person who was
upset with me. it was casual, it was nice.
and i talked to someone who i stopped
talking to. that was nice as well.
it was all wierd.
right when i want to make ammends,
it happens.

i love music.

see you in seven days.

)(

2009-06-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

i wonder if anyone reads these.
oh well.

all i know right now is that nothing feels in place.
it hasnt for a while. it feels like there is something
missing, like my life is not where it is supposed to
be. like there are a few pieces of the puzzle missing.
its a very uncontent, lonely feeling. i dont like it.
but i dont know what to do about it either.

@

2009-06-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

i'm at the point where i just want to fix any
problems that there are with people around me.
i don't understand why we should spend days,
months, years at a time being mad at people.
i just want to make amends with everyone. but
the problem is...its not me who doesn't want to.
i just want other people to see that holding these
grudges and making others lives miserable is so
incredibly pointless. now, i'm not saying that we
should just be best friends with everyone, but i
just want to get rid of the tension. its killing me.

+-

2009-06-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

nothing super new.

hung out at the vanwallaghens today after
my colombia meeting. i dyed alecks' hair.
it was fun, it was nice to relax. love them.

i love doing hair.

im really getting into music lately,
even more so than normal, its beautiful.

im going to a show on thursday(most likely).
reallllly excited for that. the the first show of
the band i cook for and listen to every monday.
so geeked.

i had a dream the other night - i told an old friend
that i havent talked to in two months exactly how
i feel about the whole situation thats going on.
if only i could tell her in person.

eight days until austria.
twenty four days until colombia.

"You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. "

~

2009-06-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

i dont really know what to say.
i'm super grateful for one specific
place and group of people. who let
me be a part of their lives. i just love
being around them. i just love them.

i am forever grateful for my mom.
and im not just saying that because
she reads this. i truly am.

i just want to listen to acoustic and
indie music, alllllll day.
...
"and I know you don't know what I'm capable of
but if you give me just one more minute I'm sure
that you would be shaking right down to your soul"

;;

2009-06-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

my braces are off.

school is over.
hanging out with alecks, kvan,

and maybe eric and coon later.

its beautiful.

..

2009-06-02T04:15:00.000-07:00

yeah, i did get my hair cut back when.
i really like it, even though its not exactly what i expected.

i'm still feeling like a convenient friend.
but only to some. so im lonely a lot.

but i still like the vanwallaghen house
and everyone in it. they're so awesome.
i'm not lonely there.

alecks' band went to columbus to record
this past weekend, it sounds soo good.

i want peace, and a lot of joy. so im seeking god
because i know those only come from him. he is
showing me a lot, even if im not showing i it all
that much. i love my devotional. a lot a lot a lot.
its good.

i want red hair. still.

i wish i was poetic. but i'm not so its okay.

i want to sew and paint more.

i also want to run and/or ride a bike more.
but i havent ridden a bike in a long time
because i stopped liking it. we'll see.

i'm starting to eat healthier again.
i feel a lot better. i'm really close to fitting
into one pair of pants again.

tired.

2009-05-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

i'm not feeling too hot today. my nose is running and my throat is killing me and my eyes wont stop watering. so i stayed home. i hate staying home. and i have mayfest tonight and i have to go ):

still feeling lonely, more than ever. i dont belong anywhere. but i do feel accepted at aleck's and kvan's house(its the same house). but i'm just seeking god that much more.

i'm getting my hair cut saturday. i'm not doing much, just editing what i already have a little. like this:

i really wish this girl wouldnt have that much cleavage though, sheesh.

so im excited about that.

move forward.

2009-05-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

i now remember why i never liked rain...my joints didnt like it. and of course, today is all rain. and the past few days the weather has been going bonkers so my joints dont like that either. and today was so exception. one knee cant bend all of the way without hurting and the other cant fully extend all of the way. its very nice. i was in meijer today and an older lady(she was about seventy) was walking just fine and she passes me as i'm limping. i really hope my arthritis isn't coming back ): but i really want to keep going, but its hard not being able to do anything, even if its something like walking.

also, i am realizing how few friends i have. i have been talking to two. count 'em- one, two. yeah. one friend is "upset" with me, causing another friend to not talk with me. which is just awesome. i might be hanging out with someone i have known since first grade...but thats only if my body will let it be so.

its extremely hard to even try and stay optimistic when i feel like a lonely(socially), old(physically) lady.

jeremiah 29:11 - "for i know the plans i have you for," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

yesterday!

2009-05-11T09:19:00.001-07:00

mothers day was so good. i'm so happy that i could help make the day special for my mom(finally)!

^he's so cute!!

how he loves.

2009-05-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

i've never really had a favorite song. but i have one now. here:

lyrics:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

smooth.

2009-05-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

i want to start running.
i always say that, and i always want to, its just a matter of being motivated enough. i ran last week, for ten minutes, but i didnt stop, so at least it was consistent. but i really want to run at least once a week. i just like the way that it makes you feel...healthier, lighter, etc. and from reading stacy's blog i now know how much water i should be drinking a day (:

i just want to start running and eating better.

well...

2009-05-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

i guess you could say i'm getting better as the week goes on. much better actually. i looked at my past blogs and i was like, "dang, all of them are depressing."

1. bad new and good news all in one. a few friends were in a car accident. good news, they are all alive, bad news, four are in a lot of pain. and its sad. but at least they are okay. the police said that one of them should have died, but he is the one that got hurt the least. god is so amazing.

2. we had a colombia meeting today (: darren, the missionary, came and talked to us and it was really cool. im so excited for this trip. i cant wait for god to show me new things, and what i can improve on, and how he is going to change my heart. i want a heart like his soo bad. i want to love like him, have compassion like his, have his patience and forgiveness, everything. i just want his heart and eyes and feelings. i want my relationship to grow and not fall. i know it will be hard to keep it up, but i dont want that love to die out. even though the fire might, i dont want the love to. im just so excited. god has blessed me with enough money to go, and now i want to bless others, like kristin, who cant fund raise the money as well as i could. im just so excited about everything.

3. i really want red hair, and a nose ring. period.

4. i want to be more optimistic. i was texting my friend alecks earlier and he said "tomorrow is wednesday!" and in my head in thinking well, yes. it is, thats how the week's order goes. tuesday then wednesday(i'm very sarcastic). but then he said "then its thursday and then friday!" which we were talking about how excited we were for the weekend. it probably seems so stupid to you, but to me, i thought it was cool because it was a different way of being excited that after tomorrow, there was only two more days to the weekend. he could have easily said "i hate the week. we still have three more days, this sucks" which is something i would have said. hahaha. i dont know, i thought it was cool.

i'm done babbling on for today.

getting better.

2009-05-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

this past week was a very, very, very bad week.
i probably cried almost everyday and cried myself to sleep a few of the nights.
on monday, i had a friend get "upset" with me over something that wasnt even my fault. but apparently, everythig in my life is my fault so i take the fall and feel terrible. this friend is someone i have been friends with since seventh grade, so we were best friends for about two years, but altogether we were friends for about three and a half years. thats a pretty long time considering i dont talk to anyone i used to. she is no longer speaking to me...which is pretty much breaking my heart. she is everywhere, at my school, alive, with the only people i relatively talk to and its so hard. almost every friend that i have ever had has always moved, or replaced/rejected me. here's one more to the list. and its always my fault even when i dont do anything.

also, i didnt make RoVaSi (Roosevelt Variety Singers) which is a group in my school which pretty much just sings and dances. and i auditioned...and didnt make it. i wanted it sooo bad. i made the musical and found out how much i love singing and dancing, and everyone told me i would make it so i also cried for about two days when i found out. and i mean, i bawled. it sounds so stupid...i didnt make something. but it was the first thing in a long time that i really really really wanted and admitted i wanted it and then it didnt happen.
and i know that god has something better planned...it is just super hard to see it right now.
but i know its coming, so i'm waiting on HIS timing, not my own. god is way smarter than me, so i'm just going to leave it to him.

so i have been crushed this week by these two things and also other little things, and its been terrible. but i have this peace today that i know it is all going to be okay. i'm just going to seek god that much more. i KNOW he has something better for me, I KNOW IT. i just have to trust in his timing.

i miss you.

2009-04-28T16:48:00.001-07:00

i'm pretty much in the most nostalgic mood ever.
i miss old friends, and i miss when i had a best friend.
i miss middle school when no one was ever as mean or judge-mental as they are now.
i miss having an extra hour before school started on wednesday so that would be the day amanda and i used to look cute and wear skirts, and thursday would be the lazy day when we wore sweats. every week. all school year. both seventh and eighth grade. those were the times.

i started a new book today.
in her shoes - jennifer weiner.

i really want a job. i wouldnt care if i only worked five hours a week.
i just want to save up like $30 a month for about four months and then after summer go shopping. thats what i want to do. but no job=no money.

i dont know.

2009-04-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

i dont really know why, but i'm in a wierd mood.

i'm thinking of people, a lot of them. people i used to talk to a lot, people that have changed so much, people who i wish i was better friends with. just people. and lots of them. and so this leads me to a lot of praying.
i am praying like crazy, for everyone.
for a friend i was upset with earlier, for a friend that lied to me a long time ago, a friend who tells another friend they are changing but is not changing, for a friend fried who is now so different from who they were, for a friend who stopped talking to me for no reason who i think about all of the time, for a friend who needs a lot of help with fundraising on my colombia team, for a friend of my moms, for a friend who went on a mission trip to africa, for a few friends on colorado, for a friend who is doing a lot of searching, for a friend i wish would follow up on plans we make, for a friend who i wish i would hang out with more, and for friends i was never really friends with after all.

i am...flabbergasted at the amount of people i used to talk to and hang out with that i no longer hang out with anymore. i can now count on one hand the amount of true friends i have. and i would probably have trouble naming all of those five people. honestly.

sometimes i wish i were more outgoing and fun and lovable. but at the same time, i dont. because that wouldnt be me. it wouldnt fit the description of "phyllis." i'm more easy going and laid back and task oriented. but there is still a deep wanting to be like the above that i listed. sometimes i try, and i dont feel like i'm being myself. i dont know.

someone very close once told me, "sometimes i feel bad that you dont have many friends."
i want to have more than just acquaintances. but i dont know.

on another note, only 30 more school days(not including the weekends).
and i cant wait to give my mom her mothers day present.
and i cant wait to go to vienna.
and i cant wait to go to colombia.

holy moly!

2009-04-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

i have not blogged in just about forever.
now, the musical is over...but i still have stupid haydn rehearsals on mondays, wednesdays, and every other tuesday from 7-8:30. imagine doing that with musical rehearsal from 3-6. yeah, crazy.

this blog is going to be random with thoughts. just giving the heads up.

1. this week is spring break, and man was this break much needed. i have been going and going and going and going and never stopping and just thinking. i have watched three movies in the past three days...its amazing! i havent had time to actually sit down a watch a movie from beginning to end since before the musical. having time to breathe is beautiful.

2. i went over ms. kerri's house and hung out with everyone. i love love love love love that house. seriously, i'm always feeling so unaccepted and down and everyone in that house is just so awesome. i dont think i stop laughing for five minutes when i'm there. i love making food, i love that everyone appreciates it, i love when the band practices and the whole house shakes, i love the whole experience. i love the nights when its just alecks, kvan, ryan and i and i love it when its the four of us and then about five other people as well. the bestttt <3

3. i have jhake's dogs until friday, and i dont want to give them back. they are the best!

4. great news! my trip to colombia is paid for! well, the general cost at least. with a lot of fundraising and donations i made the 1000 dollars. but i still need my passport. so thats another 100.

5. and i am also soo happy that i have time to listen to music again!!!!

adios!

extremely busy.

2009-03-07T06:29:00.001-08:00

sorry i'm never on this. i have school, musical, and choir rehearsal all in one day two or three days a week. other days its just school and musical but thats draining as well.

and i'm going to colombia, south america and i have been organizing a fashion show to raise money.

boots are made for walking, but not for walking on me.

2008-12-29T14:23:00.001-08:00

most of my life i have been the loner. yeah, thats right. phyllis: the one who is usually ignored and sits by herself while everyone is chuckling along with a group of people. part of it is just my personality though. i am totally task oriented, but its not like i dont like people or having friends. and i do have friends. but that part of my life is very small. i feel like everyone i know is just an acquaintance.

and every time i finally start talking and hanging out with someone, they find somebody else that they like hanging out with more so they pretty much just stop talking to me. and its not like this has happened once. its happened numerous times by more than one person. quite frankly, i am highly sick of it. im not a toy, you cant just hang out with me one day and then throw me away the next. my feelings dont work like that. i also have yet to find someone that actually enjoys that.

im tired of being convenient and only talked to when necessary.

merry christmas. yeah right.

2008-12-24T20:34:00.000-08:00

i can never think of what to blog. and i think it was yesterday when my mom told me, "why havent you blogged lately? you are a stinky blogger." thanks mom (; haha.

and i was thinking in my little head of mine...oh the holidays. i mean, isnt that what it supposed to be? happy? merry? loving? JESUS?! but now as i get older and think about it more...this whole "season to be jolly" is entirely too silly.

i mean, obviously we want to celebrate jesus because he is the coolest. but now, its all about presents/material things, and seeing family that you dont like just because you have to, and they have even replaced christ with an "x" in christmas. are you kidding me? you want to replace the one who died so we didnt have to with an "x"? HAS THIS WORLD LOST ITS MIND? we dont replace other holidays with insignificant letters...i just dont understand. and whats this with santa? it has been instilled in us that at a very young age that the awesome "santa clause" will bring us presents, so as kids, thats what we look forward on christmas. not jesus. oh so silly.

being that its christmas eve, i have already seen some of my family that i love...and also some family that i was sort of, well, shoved into. and then its all about money and gifts and yada yada yada. its pointless. wasn't this holiday supposed to be about the most amazing god that walked this earth?

i mean, dont get me wrong, i like presents and good stuff. but why dont we get presents or little gifts to just suprise people that mean a lot to us ALL YEAR ROUND? and then there wouldnt be this stress over money and hating not wanting to buy gifts for people who you dont want to spend money on because you dont talk to them 95% of the year. again, very silly. and i do get presents for people in christmas because i love them. i just think its sort of a ridiculous idea.

and im definitely not perfect in any way, shape or form, and i definitely dont give jesus all the praise he deserves. but i think the least we could do is give him one day when its all about him. we have birthdays too and that day is all about us. why cant it be the same for someone greater than ourselves?

i dont know, its all just thoughts that process in my brain. i hope it gave you food for thought.

forever,

2008-11-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

its been a really, really long time since i have blogged. and for that i am sorry.
i always want to blog, but when i sit in front of the computer with the idea of wanting to blog, my mind just blanks out and so then i dont blog.

so lately a few good things have been going on(i will elaborate on a few later after i name them):
1. my friend becca and i are selling suubi beads at our school!
2. i have an a in biology!
3. i read my bible!
4. i didnt have quartets!
5. im going to see nevershoutnever!

1. i want to elaborate on the first one the most, because its one of the things i am most excited about! reading kirstin's blogs have just inspired me so much and i just wanted to do something! my friend becca was talking about how she would love to sell the suubi necklaces that are made by the women in uganda and i obviously wanted to help. so i talked to one of my teachers, who called another teacher and so on wednesday after school, i went to the key club meeting. then i explained it to them and they told me it was a good idea and to order the necklaces. and thats exactly what i did. i recieved an email from rachel stroud and she said she will be sending the package of necklaces to sell soon (: we have it approved by the principal and i am so so excited to be doing this.

2.explains itself.

3. "i read my bible!" i know, i know. it sounds kind of stupid coming from a girl who loves jesus. but honestly, the past three weeks i havent been able to read my bible. i dont get up early enough or i am just lazy and put it off. when i would try to read it, its like i was seeing the words, but once i got done reading a passage, i wouldnt remember what i just read. and i was angry with myself, because i knew i should, and i wanted to because i know god deserves so much of my attention and i feel like i couldnt give him that. but they other day, instead of reading what the core group homework said, i just started reading 1 thessalonians. and i actually read and comprehended it, and it was beautiful. lately god has been showing me so much. im so happy that just praying about it and just trying eventually led to it working out. which it always does when god is there(because he's ALWAYS there).

4. i hate quartets, and i have a stupid second soprano part that doesnt stick. and mrs. kane wasn't in class so i didnt havr to do them(even though i practiced really hard the night before).

5. nevershoutnever! is a band. actually, its one guy calling himself a band, but he makes such good music. and i get to see him with gibby, amanda, jordan, and bethlyn (:

english papers and projects.

2008-09-29T18:39:00.001-07:00

i havent blogged in a while.nothing super hip or exciting lately. but lets get on with this, shall we?today in choir i did this personality thing with the whole class, and it was really sweet. my choir, with all of the different and same personalities that it withholds, clashes with one another. soo i did this personality thing that drew did with us as core groups with choir and it was so much fun! everyone loved it! and they thought it was a really good idea and had a lot of fun with it. i think we will hopefully function as a whole now because we now know what each others strengthes and weeknesses are so each of us can improve ourselves for the better of the group and even improve ourselves so we can better the school as well. that went really well, it was awesome. the only bad thing was that i was sweating a lot for some reason, but i sweat a lot anyway. i just dont like sweating so it wasnt pleasant, haha.i hate english papers. i just think they are horrible and obnoxious and oh so terrible. now, with that being said, add on a horrible english teacher to the mix of things. i do not like my english teacher, at alllll. i want mr. keast back soo bad ): this teacher is nothing compared to keast, and keast was a genius. i loved that class. i really would love to switch to general english 10(im in honors 10) and just have mr. keast again, but i cant. and its really depressing. my english teacher takes like a minute to say a 15 second sentence, its obnoxious. he drives me insane. and because he drives me insane and he never is together and organized, i have to read or draw everyday so i dont jump out the window. i really dont like his class. he's a nut. on a different note,i love art class! a lot! i love art and just the project we do and just everything about it. its beautiful. and i love mrs. au. she's so funny, i just want to hug her all of the time, even if she is a little scatterbrained (: maybe the fact that she's asian helps (; i dont know, she's cool, haha.well, thats all for now.

im no good at coming up with titles.

2008-09-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

so, im just going to ramble.

it is 2:00 in the afternoon and i havent showered yet...i feel really disgusting! my mom is getting in the shower first.

yesterday, i went to grand haven with the alive band...three and a half hours in a little car is well...smooshed. but it was still fun. mark drove, and it was kristin, jessie, mark, gibby, and myself. i finished my book on the way there.
when we got there, there wasnt that many people there...which was kind of a bummer but it was still fun. i slept most of the way home and then slept in until 11 after getting home at 3. it was so nice to finally get to sleep in!

i can no longer do my benefit show. ): i only have three bands and so it wouldnt attract that many people and therefore wouldnt manke that much money so thats a bummer. but my neighbor gave me a lot of pop from her softball tournament so i think im going to sell that at the friday night hangouts at metro and send the money i make from that to love146. better to make some money for organization than none at all. and i will probably have a show in the spring.

im no good with themes of things like this...i cant think of anything on command. im boring.

a few things.

2008-09-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

sorry i havent blogged in so long...i've been pretty busy.

so, saturday...the tpa release show. it actually went really well. about 80-90 people showed up and so they made about 900 dollars...which is more than half of what they needed to make back for the CD's they just purchased. and i sold three shirts (: so i made eighteen dollars so that was really sweet.

sunday was really awesome with what adam talked about which was about controlling our tongues and how it has the power of life and death. which is something really cool, because its something that i, myself struggle with. in our choir's soprano sectional, sometimes i just have to be this like, obnoxious happy spaz which probably annoys people but i dont really care because it keeps me from yelling at everyone and telling them to shut up and stop talking and just sing. let me tell you, its really difficult to not do that.

i got a B on my first biology test (: and i was really worried about that because she was stressing that they are much harder, but i did pretty well. and i reallyyyy like art class. haha, my teacher is just so cute and i love her...and she's asian so thats definitely a plus :P just kidding, haha.
and im understanding algebra :D yayyy!

i made my new purse...and im really happy with it, it looks pretty nice if i do say so myself (;

and i just went to the austria meeting today at rhs, and maestro knapp was there. and it was really amazing. i am sooo thankful that god gave me this opportunity to go on this amazing trip and just have this experience and i will only be 16!! THATS CRAZY! wellll, im going to try to do a lot of fundraising, lol. this isnt going to very cheap at all.

anyway, thats all for now. so i'll blog when i get on next (;

tpa show.

2008-09-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

i am currently a the tpa cd release show right now, chilling at the merch table (i am on gibby's laptop). it is boring, but yet so exciting. tpa consists of some of m best friends so its really sweet to see them getting this big. there isnt a huge crowd here yet, but we are just going to pray that way more people show up (; i will put up updates on how the turnout goes tomorrow.

anyway. god is so awesome.

today, i went to joann fabrics to get art supplies and fabric because i wanted to make a new purse. and the fabric i wanted was eight dollars a yard, and i HATE paying a lot of money for fabric(i am a cheap-o and proud of it). so i just figured, what the heck, i'll pay it before my little purse explodes. so then my mom randomly found these forty percent off coupons. and it was great. so for two yards of fabric, i only paid ten dollars, so it was really sweet...god always provides.

first blog.

2008-09-11T13:31:00.000-07:00

so, first blog on this new thing...i guess we will see how it goes.

i dont really know what to say about anything, because now-a-days, everything is about school since it just started and everyone(including myself) is getting used to the swing of things after having such an awesome summer and not wanting to go back.

so, since we are on the subject of school, i'll just do some rambling on about that.

most know, i do not like school. at all. people are mean, and rude and disrespectful and sometimes it makes me just want to punch the stupid people in the eye...but i obviously cant do that because that wouldnt be very nice and isnt very christ-like. it sounds horrible, but is very true.

with those very rude people, god has been showing me a lot with school. even though i dont like it, he is showing me that i need to have a better attitude through all things... even when its hard. i need a better attitude for my sake, and the sake of others because they arent going to see jesus if im just going around with a frown on my face and a bad attitude. they wont see love in that so they wont think that jesus is attractive. i also know im not making it better for myself by being so pessimistic because i am basically going to make it terrible if i think its going to be terrible. that kind of thing.

i also have been praying that i want to be bolder in school. last year(especially in choir) i hardly talked because again, i had a horrible outlook on school. so i figured if i minded my own business and just got each day over with, i would be okay. but that didnt really help me on the whole showing-people-christ aspect of things. so because i didnt talk, i never told anyone how awesome he really is. and i didnt realize it when it was happening, but even on the first day of school this year, i was more bold than normal. even if i didnt know people, i remembered smiling at people and had a positive outlook the whole time i was at school. yes, i would say i didnt want to be there or that i didnt like it, but i still smiled and was positive and talked to people, mostly people i knew from before but i guess you have to start somewhere.

i think god is telling me that i need to organize an assembly this year (i am so thankful that he gavef me the gift of being organized). i want it to be during lunch and call pizza places in the area asking them if they will donate hundreds of boxes of pizza so i can lure people in with free food...sounds horrible, but if thats what gets them to hear about jesus, i'll be willing to do it. (:

so i think thats enough for now...so anytime something that i feel like talking about, i'll blog (:
i dont know how often that will be, but again, we will see how this goes.