Monday, December 29, 2008

boots are made for walking, but not for walking on me.

most of my life i have been the loner. yeah, thats right. phyllis: the one who is usually ignored and sits by herself while everyone is chuckling along with a group of people. part of it is just my personality though. i am totally task oriented, but its not like i dont like people or having friends. and i do have friends. but that part of my life is very small. i feel like everyone i know is just an acquaintance.

and every time i finally start talking and hanging out with someone, they find somebody else that they like hanging out with more so they pretty much just stop talking to me. and its not like this has happened once. its happened numerous times by more than one person. quite frankly, i am highly sick of it. im not a toy, you cant just hang out with me one day and then throw me away the next. my feelings dont work like that. i also have yet to find someone that actually enjoys that.

im tired of being convenient and only talked to when necessary.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

merry christmas. yeah right.

i can never think of what to blog. and i think it was yesterday when my mom told me, "why havent you blogged lately? you are a stinky blogger." thanks mom (; haha.

and i was thinking in my little head of mine...oh the holidays. i mean, isnt that what it supposed to be? happy? merry? loving? JESUS?! but now as i get older and think about it more...this whole "season to be jolly" is entirely too silly.

i mean, obviously we want to celebrate jesus because he is the coolest. but now, its all about presents/material things, and seeing family that you dont like just because you have to, and they have even replaced christ with an "x" in christmas. are you kidding me? you want to replace the one who died so we didnt have to with an "x"? HAS THIS WORLD LOST ITS MIND? we dont replace other holidays with insignificant letters...i just dont understand. and whats this with santa? it has been instilled in us that at a very young age that the awesome "santa clause" will bring us presents, so as kids, thats what we look forward on christmas. not jesus. oh so silly.

being that its christmas eve, i have already seen some of my family that i love...and also some family that i was sort of, well, shoved into. and then its all about money and gifts and yada yada yada. its pointless. wasn't this holiday supposed to be about the most amazing god that walked this earth?

i mean, dont get me wrong, i like presents and good stuff. but why dont we get presents or little gifts to just suprise people that mean a lot to us ALL YEAR ROUND? and then there wouldnt be this stress over money and hating not wanting to buy gifts for people who you dont want to spend money on because you dont talk to them 95% of the year. again, very silly. and i do get presents for people in christmas because i love them. i just think its sort of a ridiculous idea.

and im definitely not perfect in any way, shape or form, and i definitely dont give jesus all the praise he deserves. but i think the least we could do is give him one day when its all about him. we have birthdays too and that day is all about us. why cant it be the same for someone greater than ourselves?

i dont know, its all just thoughts that process in my brain. i hope it gave you food for thought.