Thursday, December 31, 2009

happy birthday mom!

yeah, it's the new year, but personally, i'm more concerned about it being my mom's birthday. here's a little something i wrote about her in my journal a few days ago:

"I do have to say that my mom is just a wonderful woman of god that speaks wisdom(most of the time, haha). i admire how she just hears god speaks and listens so obediently. she is just a beautiful woman of god who i look up to and admire so much. if it wasn't for her strength, i don't know what i would do. really. she always makes me laugh and knows what to do to cheer me up. she makes a mean chicken noodle soup...or a mean maker of any food she attempts to make. she can always calm me down just by playing with my hair or just hugging me at the exact moment that i need her to, without me telling her. in everything going on in my life, my mom has been a positive influence throughout the whole thing. i love my mom. i can say that i am proud to me my mother's daughter."


Wednesday, December 30, 2009


so, many of you know this about me, but it's extremely hard for me to trust. it's hard for me to trust people, especially after being replaced time and time again in my life. people leave after i begin to trust them.

and yes, it's hard for me to trust god. i just have a hard time giving him EVERYTHING in my life. i can give him some areas of my life, but it's hard for me to just give him all of it. it's always been like this. my experiences with trusting people run into my experience with trusting god. and i hate it, i do. it's just hard for me to not let it effect my relationship with god, especially with everything that had been going on lately.

but the other day, i didn't know what to read in my bible(that seems to be a dilemma with me - what to read). my mom told me to just read what each book was about and then go from there. and for some reason, i read 1 peter. and it was exactly what i needed.

1 peter 2:23-35 "when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. for you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the shepherd and overseer of your souls."

even though i have a lot going on in my life and a lot of things are being thrown at me, i have to entrust myself to him who judges justly. jesus did. and i want to be more like jesus, right? right.

and here is the one that spoke to me the most:
"cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 peter 5:7.

i can't tell you how many times i have heard that verse, but this time, it really just hit me. like, one of those "what are you doing? HE CARES. he's not going to let you go." cast all anxiety. not just some. all. let go.

1 peter 1:7-9 "these have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when jesus christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

so here i am. praying that i will be able to trust god with everything, and not just some things. he cares, he's not going to leave like everyone else - because he's GOD.
well, that's it.

Friday, December 25, 2009


i kinda want to switch to tumblr instead of using this.
i just don't feel like switching blogs, again.

merry christmas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

abraham lincoln.

"things may come to those who wait...but only the things left by those who hustle.”

“if you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.”

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

american beauty.

"i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes i feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..."

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009


"this is one of the miracles of love: it gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted." -c.s. lewis.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Monday, December 7, 2009

Saturday, December 5, 2009

you have probably already heard me say this today

but on december 5, 1997, (i was four) i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. thats a pretty big deal when you are four. twelve years later, i am healed. my mom and i had a little scare in january when my knees swelled to the size of balloons...found out in june that i am arthritis-free.
i serve a healer. that is the god i serve.

katie dorband has read this a few times but i think it is so powerful:
job 38: 4-20. if you read the whole thing, its sweeeet. but here's a little part of it.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels [a] shouted for joy?
8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?
12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.
16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death [b] ?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.
19 "What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings? "

my god did ALL of that. that is the god i serve.