anxiety.

so, many of you know this about me, but it's extremely hard for me to trust. it's hard for me to trust people, especially after being replaced time and time again in my life. people leave after i begin to trust them.

and yes, it's hard for me to trust god. i just have a hard time giving him EVERYTHING in my life. i can give him some areas of my life, but it's hard for me to just give him all of it. it's always been like this. my experiences with trusting people run into my experience with trusting god. and i hate it, i do. it's just hard for me to not let it effect my relationship with god, especially with everything that had been going on lately.

but the other day, i didn't know what to read in my bible(that seems to be a dilemma with me - what to read). my mom told me to just read what each book was about and then go from there. and for some reason, i read 1 peter. and it was exactly what i needed.

1 peter 2:23-35 "when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. for you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the shepherd and overseer of your souls."

even though i have a lot going on in my life and a lot of things are being thrown at me, i have to entrust myself to him who judges justly. jesus did. and i want to be more like jesus, right? right.

and here is the one that spoke to me the most:
"cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 peter 5:7.

i can't tell you how many times i have heard that verse, but this time, it really just hit me. like, one of those "what are you doing? HE CARES. he's not going to let you go." cast all anxiety. not just some. all. let go.

1 peter 1:7-9 "these have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when jesus christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

so here i am. praying that i will be able to trust god with everything, and not just some things. he cares, he's not going to leave like everyone else - because he's GOD.
well, that's it.