üöä

i cant believe im in austria.

->

going to austria today.
sooooo excited.

im going to miss the vanwallaghens.
and a few extras.

i finally talked to the person who was
upset with me. it was casual, it was nice.
and i talked to someone who i stopped
talking to. that was nice as well.
it was all wierd.
right when i want to make ammends,
it happens.

i love music.

see you in seven days.

)(

i wonder if anyone reads these.
oh well.

all i know right now is that nothing feels in place.
it hasnt for a while. it feels like there is something
missing, like my life is not where it is supposed to
be. like there are a few pieces of the puzzle missing.
its a very uncontent, lonely feeling. i dont like it.
but i dont know what to do about it either.

@

i'm at the point where i just want to fix any
problems that there are with people around me.
i don't understand why we should spend days,
months, years at a time being mad at people.
i just want to make amends with everyone. but
the problem is...its not me who doesn't want to.
i just want other people to see that holding these
grudges and making others lives miserable is so
incredibly pointless. now, i'm not saying that we
should just be best friends with everyone, but i
just want to get rid of the tension. its killing me.

+-

nothing super new.

hung out at the vanwallaghens today after
my colombia meeting. i dyed alecks' hair.
it was fun, it was nice to relax. love them.

i love doing hair.

im really getting into music lately,
even more so than normal, its beautiful.

im going to a show on thursday(most likely).
reallllly excited for that. the the first show of
the band i cook for and listen to every monday.
so geeked.

i had a dream the other night - i told an old friend
that i havent talked to in two months exactly how
i feel about the whole situation thats going on.
if only i could tell her in person.

eight days until austria.
twenty four days until colombia.



"You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. "

~

i dont really know what to say.
i'm super grateful for one specific
place and group of people. who let
me be a part of their lives. i just love
being around them. i just love them.

i am forever grateful for my mom.
and im not just saying that because
she reads this. i truly am.

i just want to listen to acoustic and
indie music, alllllll day.
...
"and I know you don't know what I'm capable of
but if you give me just one more minute I'm sure
that you would be shaking right down to your soul"

;;

my braces are off.

school is over.
hanging out with alecks, kvan,

and maybe eric and coon later.

its beautiful.

..

yeah, i did get my hair cut back when.
i really like it, even though its not exactly what i expected.

i'm still feeling like a convenient friend.
but only to some. so im lonely a lot.

but i still like the vanwallaghen house
and everyone in it. they're so awesome.
i'm not lonely there.

alecks' band went to columbus to record
this past weekend, it sounds soo good.

i want peace, and a lot of joy. so im seeking god
because i know those only come from him. he is
showing me a lot, even if im not showing i it all
that much. i love my devotional. a lot a lot a lot.
its good.

i want red hair. still.

i wish i was poetic. but i'm not so its okay.

i want to sew and paint more.

i also want to run and/or ride a bike more.
but i havent ridden a bike in a long time
because i stopped liking it. we'll see.

i'm starting to eat healthier again.
i feel a lot better. i'm really close to fitting
into one pair of pants again.