getting better.

this past week was a very, very, very bad week.
i probably cried almost everyday and cried myself to sleep a few of the nights.
on monday, i had a friend get "upset" with me over something that wasnt even my fault. but apparently, everythig in my life is my fault so i take the fall and feel terrible. this friend is someone i have been friends with since seventh grade, so we were best friends for about two years, but altogether we were friends for about three and a half years. thats a pretty long time considering i dont talk to anyone i used to. she is no longer speaking to me...which is pretty much breaking my heart. she is everywhere, at my school, alive, with the only people i relatively talk to and its so hard. almost every friend that i have ever had has always moved, or replaced/rejected me. here's one more to the list. and its always my fault even when i dont do anything.

also, i didnt make RoVaSi (Roosevelt Variety Singers) which is a group in my school which pretty much just sings and dances. and i auditioned...and didnt make it. i wanted it sooo bad. i made the musical and found out how much i love singing and dancing, and everyone told me i would make it so i also cried for about two days when i found out. and i mean, i bawled. it sounds so stupid...i didnt make something. but it was the first thing in a long time that i really really really wanted and admitted i wanted it and then it didnt happen.
and i know that god has something better planned...it is just super hard to see it right now.
but i know its coming, so i'm waiting on HIS timing, not my own. god is way smarter than me, so i'm just going to leave it to him.

so i have been crushed this week by these two things and also other little things, and its been terrible. but i have this peace today that i know it is all going to be okay. i'm just going to seek god that much more. i KNOW he has something better for me, I KNOW IT. i just have to trust in his timing.