Sunday, May 3, 2009

getting better.

this past week was a very, very, very bad week.
i probably cried almost everyday and cried myself to sleep a few of the nights.
on monday, i had a friend get "upset" with me over something that wasnt even my fault. but apparently, everythig in my life is my fault so i take the fall and feel terrible. this friend is someone i have been friends with since seventh grade, so we were best friends for about two years, but altogether we were friends for about three and a half years. thats a pretty long time considering i dont talk to anyone i used to. she is no longer speaking to me...which is pretty much breaking my heart. she is everywhere, at my school, alive, with the only people i relatively talk to and its so hard. almost every friend that i have ever had has always moved, or replaced/rejected me. here's one more to the list. and its always my fault even when i dont do anything.

also, i didnt make RoVaSi (Roosevelt Variety Singers) which is a group in my school which pretty much just sings and dances. and i auditioned...and didnt make it. i wanted it sooo bad. i made the musical and found out how much i love singing and dancing, and everyone told me i would make it so i also cried for about two days when i found out. and i mean, i bawled. it sounds so stupid...i didnt make something. but it was the first thing in a long time that i really really really wanted and admitted i wanted it and then it didnt happen.
and i know that god has something better is just super hard to see it right now.
but i know its coming, so i'm waiting on HIS timing, not my own. god is way smarter than me, so i'm just going to leave it to him.

so i have been crushed this week by these two things and also other little things, and its been terrible. but i have this peace today that i know it is all going to be okay. i'm just going to seek god that much more. i KNOW he has something better for me, I KNOW IT. i just have to trust in his timing.


Anonymous said...

gosh, im so proud of you.

you amaze me so much, you have no idea how much of a blessing you are to me. honestly, you inspire me to trust in God no matter what.

Margie said...

I'm catching up on your blogs... see me commenting... I'm all misty by your beautiful spirit and your perserverence! Read Romans 5:1-5
loveyou pean!